Writer's Block

I have writer’s block. Throughout this semester I have been able to sit down and write without much effort except for this last blog. With all the other blogs I have either read something than wrote about it or thoughts just came to me, and the words would just flow. This has not been the case this time; I have stayed awake to see 3:00 a.m. for days now worrying myself sick over the ending of the semester. I have been challenged with trying to balance school, my three boys and everything their lives intel, and trying to conquer my deep fear of computers. The hardest part has been trying to keep myself from going into neither a depressant state nor a manic state; this has proved to be impossible. Getting out of bed and going to school has been a rollercoaster. I am sometimes so excited, I can’t wait to arrive at school and get that feeling of knowledge and accomplishment. Then there is the other end of the spectrum. I could lie in bed forever and forget I am trying to reach a goal and in this state I could careless. Both are very extreme feelings. I have been told by people when I am in a manic state to slow down. I would begin on my homework and continue doing it for days without sleeping or eating. I would read and reread assignments and try to commit things to memory, but in this state of mind most knowledge does not stick. I have written one thing after another and then come back later to find the writing doesn’t make since. I sometimes do extra math problems because my anxiety gets out of control, and I worry that I won’t remember the processes of how to do them when it comes time for a test. The down side is being depressed. I consider this to be a more difficult mood to stabilize or maybe I just like being full throttle in a manic state. During depression all I want to do is sleep and forget the world around me exists. My school work piles up. I start to become extremely overwhelmed, and then I curl up in ball. It takes an outside person to help me out of this. I have to be forced to eat, forced to get up off of the couch or bed, and then finally forced out the door. I have found this to be the only way to start functioning on my own again. I would like to say I have periods of normality, but being that they are so few and far between I can’t say much about them. All I know now is that my writer’s block is gone.